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27th Anniversary

It’s been 5 years since my last post.  I was more active on my personal account on facebook until it was disabled.

Today (Good Friday) — or this weekend of Holy Week marks my twenty seventh anniversary of being brought to the United States.

Yes, my adoptive parents and me are well aware that Lent and Holy Week changes every year.  This however doesn’t change the lasting impact of the historical moment for all of us where my adoptive mother went to the Philippines during Holy Week of 1993 and came to the Philippines to finally meet me.

So much has happened that I cannot lump into one post today to bring you all up to date since my last post in 2013.

This film has been low-key shown in many spaces.  The films have mostly been open between academic circles for higher education and I hope to show them in certain classes such as Sociology for secondary education .

I have given the rights of the Department of Social Welfare and Development to screen the film, “BINITAY: Journey of a Filipino Adoptee”, for their adoption training department in order for a better understanding of transnational and transracial adoption.  However, I criticize and see that they find my transnational/racial adoption as a success story built upon their backs when there were many struggles that have been endured without their aid and guidance to my adoptive parents.  Lastly, I’ve learned some themes such as for transracial adoption, in order for opportunity to be granted, the sacrifice can be a cultural death (birth culture).

In recent news, obviously a novel corona virus (covid-19) has affected the world globally.  My ever changing self perception of what it means to be a transracial and transnational adoptee is in constant flux due to living here in America and although to some people I do not appear to look Asian, I still have a watchful eye for myself and others whom may face violence from others due to xenophobia.  With an unnamed family member, combating their usage of saying the word #ChineseVirus and their unjust perception on immigration , I instead just put them into perspective how America is almost like a centralized place for a globalized economic hub and how diversity and multiculturalism is the paramount of America’s “exceptionalism”; however, I do not use those exact words and just frame it to stop their xenophobia and let their perception go outside of the box.

Negative rhetoric from the media of course is pervasive for those who give into scapegoating other racial backgrounds.  With any epidemic worldwide this is what we the human race needs to transcend for our survival.

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Binitay: Journey of a Filipino Adoptee Trailer

Here is the official trailer of my documentary.  The official full showing will be on Sunday, March 16th, 2014 at the Philippine American Community Center of Michigan (PACCM).  I invite you all to attend the showing and how the cultural communities have helped me come in terms with my identity as a transracial adoptee.  

For those who many not understand why I created this, this project was manifested from the time I was a pre-adolescent.  During that time, fellow classmates would find out that my parents happen to be white Caucasian, while I am a Filipino.  So I told them how I was adopted and so time and time again, questions would arise from classmates asking if I ever knew my real biological parents or family.  Other questions for example were: “Do you know how to speak Filipino?  Have you been back to the Philippines?  Were you born there?  Are you full Filipino?  Are you sure?  Do you know anything about the culture?”  And so on.

So because of those constant questions, experiences of outsiderness, and a growing eagerness to find out more about the man in the mirror, it finally had led to eventually opening up my case study papers for the first time.  I read those papers and had felt a cycle of anger, forgiveness, and understanding as I learned more about my homeland.  After being able to tell my story, others have told me I should document it.  So here it is, the preview to my documentary.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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“Araw-Araw” Day by Day Daily Grind

I’ve been on hiatus with keeping up with this blog but life has continued on with compiling the last pieces of footage back here in Michigan to complete my documentary.  Life also has kept going on as for work, organizing the Filipino Youth Initiative, and the Basic Filipino Language classes, as well as being the current Youth Chair for Council of Asian Pacific Americans of Michigan.

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Even though life continues to move forward, a part of my soul seems suspended within a dimension of time and thought trying to unravel everything.  Often I refer to this as a ball of yarn since everything is interconnected one way or another.  Also, It is too easy to say that “I am James Beni Wilson”.  My identity has a much deeper history than that and encompasses other peoples’ lives who I value now as well.  No one is a just a third party.  They are very much a part of the large design of life somehow.  Everything happens for a reason whether we understand those reasons or not.  Every turning point that has opened doors to me in challenging my own identity, I have been given these blessed opportunities to say these prepared me for this journey back to the Philippines to find the truth.  Without these opportunities and if I have not been able to come in contact with countless people who I have come across in this journey, I may not have the tools that they gave me to understand everything and to accept what is.

I’ve asked a few people if I have changed since this trip.  They’ve said that I seem happier.  Knowing details has helped me know  where I came from to move forward.  Will it be like this for everyone?  I cannot answer that for them.

Finding out that she is no longer with us was difficult.  The first few nights being back from the Philippines did result in tear drenched pillows.  Not only that it’s hard knowing that she passed, but also knowing that I was not abandoned.  Finding a way to communicate my/our story without bringing any disrespect won’t be tricky but will be taken in account.  

Coming in late January, my journey.  

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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My other home. The Philippine American Culture Center of Michigan (PACCM)

Preparation...
Preparation…

 

It’s been over a month since I’ve seen most of my fellow Filipinos or kababayan in the states who had supported me in my trip.  Today begins the first day of Paaralang Pilipino or Filipino school at the Philippine American Culture Center of Michigan (PACCM).

This year also marks the 4th year that I’ve been a facilitator and mentor for the Paaralang Pilipino school classes.  Those are the Beginners Tagalog and the Filipino Youth Initiative class for the thirteen and older age group.  Prior to teaching I also was once a student in these classes.  I look back at the struggles of identity and searching for where I belonged in the midst of reclaiming and finding home in my community.  For my experience but maybe not for others, there’s an interesting sense of kinship regardless of being adopted and that I’m still seen as a Filipino.  However, during the struggle there were times where involvement and trying to find home, I didn’t always feel like I belonged.

As a student I enjoyed coming here but in my heart I was an outsider.  I stayed persistent but at times I wanted to drop everything, leave the community and stay who I was before.  I thought to myself, if I did that, then I would be waving the white flags and surrendering.  Just giving up on searching and finding out my roots and culture would be the ultimate injustice and wouldn’t have given me the opportunities to have met the most amazing people during this journey who helped keep my head up and supported me and possibly not have any of my questions answered.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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Shared Self

[4 days left for my Kickstarter Campaign]

I was at work and was waiting on a customer a year ago.  She comes in pretty often with her son and daughter. I found out later after politely asking her if they were adopted because both her and husband are white Caucasian while here children are Latino. I find out before she left  that she adopted them from Guatemala.  

When she told me that they were adopted I told her I was too.  She then asked from where and how old I was when I was adopted and I told her that I was adopted from the Philippines at the age of three.  She then told her son that I was adopted too and I thought it was cute because he asked if I was Guatemalan as well.  She then told him “Not all adopted children are Guatemalan”, since his adopted sister is from Guatemala as well and I believe they are biological siblings.

This made me think of past times that I was working and she has come in, her adoptive son that is probably around six years old, would stare at me all the time.  I told her how he would do that after today and also noted that he probably thought I was Guatemalan too.  She smiled back and told me, “Yeah I think he looks for other people who look like him as well”.  

Many flashbacks of when I was his age came into existence and when I would subconsciously look for other people who were like me or looked like me too.

Who I am is more than what reflects back at me in the mirror. I questioned that for 17 years of my life and in search for answers.
Who I am is more than what reflects back at me in the mirror. I questioned that for 17 years of my life and in search for answers.

 

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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