identity | Binitay Documentary

December 18, 2013December 18, 2013

“Araw-Araw” Day by Day Daily Grind

I’ve been on hiatus with keeping up with this blog but life has continued on with compiling the last pieces of footage back here in Michigan to complete my documentary. Life also has kept going on as for work, organizing the Filipino Youth Initiative, and the Basic Filipino Language classes, as well as being the current Youth Chair for Council of Asian Pacific Americans of Michigan.

Even though life continues to move forward, a part of my soul seems suspended within a dimension of time and thought trying to unravel everything. Often I refer to this as a ball of yarn since everything is interconnected one way or another. Also, It is too easy to say that “I am James Beni Wilson”. My identity has a much deeper history than that and encompasses other peoples’ lives who I value now as well. No one is a just a third party. They are very much a part of the large design of life somehow. Everything happens for a reason whether we understand those reasons or not. Every turning point that has opened doors to me in challenging my own identity, I have been given these blessed opportunities to say these prepared me for this journey back to the Philippines to find the truth. Without these opportunities and if I have not been able to come in contact with countless people who I have come across in this journey, I may not have the tools that they gave me to understand everything and to accept what is.

I’ve asked a few people if I have changed since this trip. They’ve said that I seem happier. Knowing details has helped me know where I came from to move forward. Will it be like this for everyone? I cannot answer that for them.

Finding out that she is no longer with us was difficult. The first few nights being back from the Philippines did result in tear drenched pillows. Not only that it’s hard knowing that she passed, but also knowing that I was not abandoned. Finding a way to communicate my/our story without bringing any disrespect won’t be tricky but will be taken in account.

Coming in late January, my journey.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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September 8, 2013September 8, 2013

My other home. The Philippine American Culture Center of Michigan (PACCM)

It’s been over a month since I’ve seen most of my fellow Filipinos or kababayan in the states who had supported me in my trip. Today begins the first day of Paaralang Pilipino or Filipino school at the Philippine American Culture Center of Michigan (PACCM).

This year also marks the 4th year that I’ve been a facilitator and mentor for the Paaralang Pilipino school classes. Those are the Beginners Tagalog and the Filipino Youth Initiative class for the thirteen and older age group. Prior to teaching I also was once a student in these classes. I look back at the struggles of identity and searching for where I belonged in the midst of reclaiming and finding home in my community. For my experience but maybe not for others, there’s an interesting sense of kinship regardless of being adopted and that I’m still seen as a Filipino. However, during the struggle there were times where involvement and trying to find home, I didn’t always feel like I belonged.

As a student I enjoyed coming here but in my heart I was an outsider. I stayed persistent but at times I wanted to drop everything, leave the community and stay who I was before. I thought to myself, if I did that, then I would be waving the white flags and surrendering. Just giving up on searching and finding out my roots and culture would be the ultimate injustice and wouldn’t have given me the opportunities to have met the most amazing people during this journey who helped keep my head up and supported me and possibly not have any of my questions answered.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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August 27, 2013August 29, 2013

In the Province: Island of Cebu, my Home.

For the entire duration of my trip to Cebu, I was without internet access for the entire time. I apologize for that.

Cebu is located in Bisayas which is the central region of the Philippines. Here, the languages are known as the umbrella term of Bisayan/Visayan which is the major language group and have several language variations within it. On Cebu, the major language spoken is known as Cebuano.

During the trip I spent a large chunk of my time with one of my foster sisters, Heszeil. During the Global Consultation on Child Welfare Conference that was held at the Manila Hotel, I met a few nuns who work at Asilo which is an orphanage located in Cebu City. It was just coincidence that my foster sister Heszeil also works at Asilo. What a small world!

A lot has happened while on this journey. My definition for family has been redefined. I found a lot of things about my history and our history, everyone who I’ve crossed paths with or have been in care of. I’ve found belonging in many facets that I didn’t think there will be or imagined.

Foster Family care: A short term solution until a permanent placement can be made.

Biological family: family and it’s members who are related by blood

Sitting on our haunches. My foster family relatives. My feet hurt like this.

As for my biological relatives, I continue to unravel the ball of yarn and find out more about us. Yes it’s confirmed, we, the DSWD staff, foster relatives, and me were able to find them. This redefinition of family has opened boundaries. I have quite a large biological family from my municipality. My mother is a sister of 8 total. I also have a sister. As to who the father is, there are two possible allegations. Although my biological mother has passed away not knowing that I’ve been looking for her and I forgive her, she is still very much alive in my heart and mind and knowing that she did not forget about me and made sure other family members knew of me.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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July 6, 2013July 6, 2013

Shared Self

[4 days left for my Kickstarter Campaign]

I was at work and was waiting on a customer a year ago. She comes in pretty often with her son and daughter. I found out later after politely asking her if they were adopted because both her and husband are white Caucasian while here children are Latino. I find out before she left that she adopted them from Guatemala.

When she told me that they were adopted I told her I was too. She then asked from where and how old I was when I was adopted and I told her that I was adopted from the Philippines at the age of three. She then told her son that I was adopted too and I thought it was cute because he asked if I was Guatemalan as well. She then told him “Not all adopted children are Guatemalan”, since his adopted sister is from Guatemala as well and I believe they are biological siblings.

This made me think of past times that I was working and she has come in, her adoptive son that is probably around six years old, would stare at me all the time. I told her how he would do that after today and also noted that he probably thought I was Guatemalan too. She smiled back and told me, “Yeah I think he looks for other people who look like him as well”.

Many flashbacks of when I was his age came into existence and when I would subconsciously look for other people who were like me or looked like me too.

Who I am is more than what reflects back at me in the mirror. I questioned that for 17 years of my life and in search for answers.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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