family | Binitay Documentary

12991930_10206731199339528_1611733340_o — Journal Entry Philippines Trip 2013

After meeting my biological relatives in Tabogon, meeting my sister, and seeing my mother’s grave, a sadness washes over me. I’ve made so many people happy because I didn’t forget about where I came from & it showed to them that a part of me values them and places them somewhere in my heart although we are strangers. When I met my ninety-four year old grandmother, she hugged me and would not let go. I was her grandson she has been longing for.

They had hoped I was able to stay but it’s saddening of both cultural and language barriers we will have. The Department of Social Welfare (DSWD) made it very clear to them about the kind of person I am now and that my objective was to search for Elizabeth Ochia, my only key person who “found” me and just so happened to be my very own biological mother.

The opportunity to forgive her is not there since she has passed four months before I arrived here. It saddens me more that she had passed without knowing her own biological son has been searching for her too. I have learned to forgive the past and won’t forget.

I just hope that everything is okay after leaving my home once again.

I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Indiegogo campaign at https://igg.me/at/OnceUponAnOchia-/x

–> Follow me on twitter at https://twitter.com/binitaydoc

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

[8 days left for my Kickstarter Campaign] Please don’t dismiss by experiences by saying “Well I think everyone deals with racism and microaggressions…blah, blah, blah…”, but please simply listen to my experience and try to understand my experience. I hope that instead of getting angry, that we think of ways to find solutions to these occurrences, because this could be your child as well facing these same struggles. I encourage creating dialogue to help find solutions. I’m not here to silence others. I’m here to voice mine. In my own poetic way, I’m not outspoken. I speak out.

I’ll list every name in the book that I know as growing up as both ‘colored’ and an adoptee:

Yellow, brown, poop and shit (because of my brown skin), beaner, wetback, chink, gook, alien, terrorist, faggot, unwanted child, your parents didn’t love you, problem child

Honestly, I did internalize a lot of these labels. I hated my own skin. I hated standing out. I did not tell anybody, especially parents and family. It was not until I learned how to communicate certain issues properly to them. When I finally had done so with my adoptive mom, my mom, it was a release in so much animosity and anger. The end result was me crying my eyes out. This was only a few months ago.

_________

I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

_________

Tag: family

Diary Entry [Thurs, August. 22, 2013]

Racism and Racial Microaggressions