Ever since being introduced to the Filipino community, the month of January was not just a month that was supposedly where my birthday happened to be in. It was a bittersweet month. A reminder.
Every January 24th, I would blow out candles and make that wish. I’d wish that someday, I would make it to the Philippines. That I would find my biological family. I’d hope my prayers and wishes would be answered in some form or another. I’d pray that my biological family would be safe even though I never met them. Can someone ever miss someone they have never met before? Is that possible?
It’s made me wonder every birthday since 2007 as to who my biological family was. Inside there were unanswered questions. There were missing puzzle pieces that needed filling no matter how happy I tried to be. This was a month where sadness was covered up with sleight grimaces and a longing to know where I fit in between two worlds of being a Filipino in a family that happens to be a white caucasian American family and a Filipino who was foreign to his own community. These were times when I would stare back at myself and felt lost. These were times where I’d tell classmates and other people that I wanted to find my roots, and sometimes have been shot down by their tongues saying that:
“Why search? Aren’t you happy?”
“What if your family doesn’t even want to see you?”
“You were abandoned and found in a plastic bag in a banana tree, your mother didn’t want you!”
Despite these, I’ve never given up on hope. That hope fueled me to want to go back and document my story. I’ve been advised that I should document it. So this in the end will come full circle. It hasn’t only helped me weave through what life has given me but I hope it helps others as well.
Video editing has been tedious especially working so often in order to save enough money to attend school and being part of these non-profits. The documentary will be hopefully complete before January ends.
I’ve gone back and we were successful in our search as said in one of my previous blog posts. Unfortunately, I’ll disclose that my biological mother is no longer with us. I do feel though that she has been watching over me since the moment I had started my Kicktarter and set foot on Filipino soil. Even now I feel she is here with me. There is one question still that comes to the forefront.
Can someone miss someone they never met before?
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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee
–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary
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