Out of respect for my kababáyan (fellow Filipinos), barángay (municipal town), and lastly, kapamílya (biological relatives), the blog documentations as well as the film release will keep certain information kept confidential.
This will be the challenge of the film but also a learning experience of when one culture meets and learns about another. Even though I have found many missing pieces of my puzzle, some however are incomplete and may remain that way, and I am ok with that. But I do know that after this trip, I have a stronger sense of self and where I came from.
Anyways, welcome to my backyard!
Barrio Mabuli
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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
For the entire duration of my trip to Cebu, I was without internet access for the entire time. I apologize for that.
Cebu Pacific
Cebu is located in Bisayas which is the central region of the Philippines. Here, the languages are known as the umbrella term of Bisayan/Visayan which is the major language group and have several language variations within it. On Cebu, the major language spoken is known as Cebuano.
Cebu, Visayas, Philippines
During the trip I spent a large chunk of my time with one of my foster sisters, Heszeil. During the Global Consultation on Child Welfare Conference that was held at the Manila Hotel, I met a few nuns who work at Asilo which is an orphanage located in Cebu City. It was just coincidence that my foster sister Heszeil also works at Asilo. What a small world!
A lot has happened while on this journey. My definition for family has been redefined. I found a lot of things about my history and our history, everyone who I’ve crossed paths with or have been in care of. I’ve found belonging in many facets that I didn’t think there will be or imagined.
Foster Family care: A short term solution until a permanent placement can be made.
Biological family: family and it’s members who are related by blood
Sitting on our haunches. My foster family relatives. My feet hurt like this.
As for my biological relatives, I continue to unravel the ball of yarn and find out more about us. Yes it’s confirmed, we, the DSWD staff, foster relatives, and me were able to find them. This redefinition of family has opened boundaries. I have quite a large biological family from my municipality. My mother is a sister of 8 total. I also have a sister. As to who the father is, there are two possible allegations. Although my biological mother has passed away not knowing that I’ve been looking for her and I forgive her, she is still very much alive in my heart and mind and knowing that she did not forget about me and made sure other family members knew of me.
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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
So much has happened within the first five days here. I can’t even fathom my entire existence of being in my home country. With the comforts of having Lorial Crowder, the co-founder of Filipino Adoptee Network (FAN), assisting me in my stay here I’ve experienced minimal culture shock. Also that we have not ventured outside of Manila yet. Places we’ve hit so far are Kalookan, Quiapo, Makati, Binondo, and now Manila. There’s a sort of disconnection yet familiarity of being here. Maybe it’s because I look like everyone? Yet I look ‘kano’ or American at the same time.
Philippine Pesos
About a day or so after my arrival, I was able to buy ‘load’ or text/call points to contact the Inter-Country Adoption Board (ICAB) and also notify my foster mother that I have arrived here. While at the ICAB office we helped them prepare for the Global Consultation on Child Welfare conference.
Painting in the Inter-Country Adoption Board office (ICAB)
Upon meeting Bernarda T. Torres aka “Mama Nor”, she was so warm and it’s like we’ve known each other since forever. There was not too much of a language barrier since I was able to speak some Taglish (Filipino and English combined) and bits of Cebuano. She had tears in her eyes just like in the photo when I came to America and like when she first heard of me searching for her and the rest of the foster family. I’m beyond fortunate to be given this opportunity to see her once again. I’ve learned even more stuff about her as a foster home as well. We met in Novaliches Bayan, Kalookan where one of her daughters live. I’ve been in contact with her daughter’s son to be able to make it easier to meet them.
I’ve touched down finally in Manila. It was an 1.5 hour delay. Thankfully my phone is semi globalized and I was able to reach my friend’s friends who I thank greatly to pick me up and are kindly helping Lorial and me on our trip. I ate three meals on the connecting flights and one meal to Manila. I was still starving and we stopped by Jollibees. I got to enjoy Palabok from there for the first time.
The hardest thing is getting over my “mahiyain” or shyness to speak Tagalog in front of native speakers. Although it seems easy for me to speak back in America, I get scared of my hardcore accent giving away my “balikbayan” or homecoming accent.
Another thing is learning the currency exchange and learning the value of each piso…
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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
Filipino Heritage Camp is now over. It was a successful camp like every year meeting new smiling faces as well as seeing old ones. During the camp and even now, I’ve been hit with an array of emotions. There are no rational meanings behind them. I don’t know what they mean just yet. They are however a spectrum of both positive, negative, and neutral or empty emotions. Not empty as in depressed but they are still being unraveled I guess like a ball of yarn. Rather than layers of an onion I’ve learned that everything is more like a ball of yarn where you unravel and unwind it, and every emotion is interconnected to others somehow.
It hasn’t hit me yet that I’m going to finally search and have a reunion as well. I’m beyond fortunate again to have been given this opportunity. Although I’ve wanted to go since I was younger, and especially when I was 18 years old, I feel as if a chain of events has fallen into place and certain things have to had impacted, shaped my life, and helped me grow, mature and evolve as a person for me to take on this venture.
