Reflecting while growing up, the only ‘culture identity’ i had was existing with my white Caucasian family and a product of their upbringings. I had not known what Asians, especially Filipinos, were really like or what to be Asian really meant. Even worst off, the only concept I had was projected to me via visual media and movies. At the same time, I would still identify as Filipino. There was a clash of my own perceptions I had about myself and how others had viewed me, depending on who it is.
Certain life events put in motion a transformation within me.
Throughout the years, I’ve challenged my own identity because of the questions that have arose. Out of the woodwork arose a new identity each time. I defined and redefined who I am, was, and will be.
“James Beni Ronde” etched in crayon by foster family member named “Yami”.
Who am I? Well before, I was born without a name or identity. I was given the name James Beni Ronde by the DSW RSCC of Cebu, Philippines.
James Beni Wilson, June 2013
Who am I now? I’m an ordinary college kid just like many of you. I wake up to a nice cup of hot coffee every morning which is the best part of waking up.Coffee is my drug, keeps me sane and also unites me with friends, family and colleagues. As you can see the background in my picture, my profile picture was taken at Starbucks. I also like to support local coffee shops as well.
Leche Flan
I enjoy cooking but only as a hobby. I’ve learned how to cook various Filipino foods in my past 6 years of being en-cultured among Filipinos. My best dish which I’ve altered a bit to my own taste and made my own was my friend’s grandmother’s recipe, Lola Berenguer.
During off campus hours, on Sundays, I facilitate a class known as Filipino Youth Initiative. It’s a class that was founded under Filipino American National Historical Society Michigan Chapter. It uses a two sided trans-formative learning style where both the facilitator and the mentees engage in dialogue about aspects of the history of Filipinos in America via visual and audio media, self reflection, and oral history where they interview their family members to tell their life stories.
One of my mentees, Georgina.
_________
I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
My first shoes. They still have dried Philippine soil on the bottom
From my souls of my shoes are the remnants of old Philippine soil from when I had last set foot.
I was three and a half years old when I was last in the Philippines. The old memory of confusion is blurred by flashes of a camera, the bright Eastern Sun blinding me, and the cement buildings and dirty streets where my footprints last print. People challenge how I still remember that last day, but I describe it to my adoptive mother (my mom now), and she affirms every moment I reminiscence.
I recall those cement buildings standing tall against the sunlight. I remember the streets and the fatigue from walking about with my foster parents at that time.
Tatay Pepeng, Ate Dagoy, Mama Nor and me.
My last moment with them before my transitioning into a new family. A permanent one promised by the Philippine government. A new home.
_________
I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
Binitay means “Hanged.” When I was found, the report said, “The child when found, was placed inside a plastic bag hanged on a banana palm…when the founder… who was pasturing her carabao within the vicinity heard the cry of the baby. “
James Beni Ronde foundling report
Twenty-three years later, I hope to travel back to the Philippines to find my birth parents and to reconnect with my foster family. It has been two decades. It’s time.
Behind the name.
People ask, especially Filipinos, why Binitay? Why did you choose that name for your documentary? Well it is my foreshadowing of where I had received my middle name and where I came from. Within my stowed away adoption papers laid secrets of my life prior to my adoption. The orphanage had given me the middle name “Beni” in short of the Tagalog word “binitay”, which means hanged, described in the photo clip above.
_________
I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.
