Filipino | Binitay Documentary

September 8, 2013September 8, 2013

My other home. The Philippine American Culture Center of Michigan (PACCM)

It’s been over a month since I’ve seen most of my fellow Filipinos or kababayan in the states who had supported me in my trip. Today begins the first day of Paaralang Pilipino or Filipino school at the Philippine American Culture Center of Michigan (PACCM).

This year also marks the 4th year that I’ve been a facilitator and mentor for the Paaralang Pilipino school classes. Those are the Beginners Tagalog and the Filipino Youth Initiative class for the thirteen and older age group. Prior to teaching I also was once a student in these classes. I look back at the struggles of identity and searching for where I belonged in the midst of reclaiming and finding home in my community. For my experience but maybe not for others, there’s an interesting sense of kinship regardless of being adopted and that I’m still seen as a Filipino. However, during the struggle there were times where involvement and trying to find home, I didn’t always feel like I belonged.

As a student I enjoyed coming here but in my heart I was an outsider. I stayed persistent but at times I wanted to drop everything, leave the community and stay who I was before. I thought to myself, if I did that, then I would be waving the white flags and surrendering. Just giving up on searching and finding out my roots and culture would be the ultimate injustice and wouldn’t have given me the opportunities to have met the most amazing people during this journey who helped keep my head up and supported me and possibly not have any of my questions answered.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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August 13, 2013September 21, 2013

Pilipinas. The first five days here.

So much has happened within the first five days here. I can’t even fathom my entire existence of being in my home country. With the comforts of having Lorial Crowder, the co-founder of Filipino Adoptee Network (FAN), assisting me in my stay here I’ve experienced minimal culture shock. Also that we have not ventured outside of Manila yet. Places we’ve hit so far are Kalookan, Quiapo, Makati, Binondo, and now Manila. There’s a sort of disconnection yet familiarity of being here. Maybe it’s because I look like everyone? Yet I look ‘kano’ or American at the same time.

About a day or so after my arrival, I was able to buy ‘load’ or text/call points to contact the Inter-Country Adoption Board (ICAB) and also notify my foster mother that I have arrived here. While at the ICAB office we helped them prepare for the Global Consultation on Child Welfare conference.

Upon meeting Bernarda T. Torres aka “Mama Nor”, she was so warm and it’s like we’ve known each other since forever. There was not too much of a language barrier since I was able to speak some Taglish (Filipino and English combined) and bits of Cebuano. She had tears in her eyes just like in the photo when I came to America and like when she first heard of me searching for her and the rest of the foster family. I’m beyond fortunate to be given this opportunity to see her once again. I’ve learned even more stuff about her as a foster home as well. We met in Novaliches Bayan, Kalookan where one of her daughters live. I’ve been in contact with her daughter’s son to be able to make it easier to meet them.

My foster mother, "Mama Nor", Bernarda T. Torres — My foster mother, “Mama Nor”, Bernarda T. Torres

August 6, 2013

Sitting in the Terminal

Filipino Heritage Camp is now over. It was a successful camp like every year meeting new smiling faces as well as seeing old ones. During the camp and even now, I’ve been hit with an array of emotions. There are no rational meanings behind them. I don’t know what they mean just yet. They are however a spectrum of both positive, negative, and neutral or empty emotions. Not empty as in depressed but they are still being unraveled I guess like a ball of yarn. Rather than layers of an onion I’ve learned that everything is more like a ball of yarn where you unravel and unwind it, and every emotion is interconnected to others somehow.

It hasn’t hit me yet that I’m going to finally search and have a reunion as well. I’m beyond fortunate again to have been given this opportunity. Although I’ve wanted to go since I was younger, and especially when I was 18 years old, I feel as if a chain of events has fallen into place and certain things have to had impacted, shaped my life, and helped me grow, mature and evolve as a person for me to take on this venture.

July 31, 2013July 31, 2013

Foiled Plans & Flight Plan

With less than a day to leave on my trip it has not sunk in…

Several times since I was 18 I always wanted to go back to the Philippines and search for both my foster family and my birth family. It would constantly fall through. I’d be invited by people to be accompanied by them when they go on vacation but I don’t blame them that they didn’t tell they were going. It’s their vacation. My trip is more personal. I’m beyond fortunate to be given this opportunity to not only reconnect with my foster family but also do this biological family search. Thankfully, I’ll be able to document this experience as well.

It is the most difficult time right now for me to fathom that I’ll be going back. It has not totally sunk and set in that I’ll be seeing my ‘birth place’. It hasn’t really hit me that I’ll be seeing these foster family relatives and experiencing the Philippines. Lastly, it has not ht me that I’ll be making this search for self real.

I feel as if that all of this has been postponed for a reason. Things had to happen within a series of events first before I could make this happen. This would not have happened without your understanding and support.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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July 29, 2013

Sulat. (to write)

This was a gift from a close friend of mine. I’m thankful she bought this for me. I’m planning on documenting anything that first comes to mind and whatever topics they may be. Hopefully extending my thoughts through a medium of ink and paper will unravel the ball of yarn in my head and sort out every concious and subconscious spark. I hope to include a majority if not all of these things in my documentary if they pertain to what I will be communicating and the journey that unfolds before me.

_________

I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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