adoptee | Binitay Documentary

April 6, 2016April 6, 2016

The Centipede

In the past two trips to the Philippines that I made in 2013 and 2015, before I made the journey to the motherland I have encountered or have been visited by a centipede that would come across my path. It was this Monday morning that we have met again.

“Lane Wilcken explains that the segments of the centipede’s legs represent the chain of ancestors extending back in time, with each pair of legs representing a paternal and maternal line. The centipede suggests the continuity of life and responsibility of perpetuating lineage.” (p.84, Apostal)

Although I may not be of Kalinga descent; as far as I know, I’ve found this as a prelude symbol of my journey.

Out of coincidence or superstition, this may be some sort of sign for my past trips and my upcoming trip as I continue to document the next segment of my journey of as a Filipino adoptee, or what I call a “FilAmpon” – A play on the words Filpino American and the Filipino word “ampon,” which translates to adoption.

Join me on my journey as I learn more about my biological family and our collective narrative of where I came from at my latest film project, “Once Upon An Ochia”.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Indiegogo campaign at https://igg.me/at/OnceUponAnOchia-/x

–> Follow me on twitter at https://twitter.com/binitaydoc

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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Apostol, Virgil Mayor. “Chapter Two: Shamanic and Spiritual Practices and Beliefs.” Way of the Ancient Healer: Sacred Teachings from the Philippine Ancestral Traditions. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic, 2010. 84. Print.

By unknown, published by Harper & Brothers of New York, written by Thomas Wallace Know (1835-1896) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

February 7, 2014February 7, 2014

Binitay: Journey of a Filipino Adoptee Trailer

Here is the official trailer of my documentary. The official full showing will be on Sunday, March 16th, 2014 at the Philippine American Community Center of Michigan (PACCM). I invite you all to attend the showing and how the cultural communities have helped me come in terms with my identity as a transracial adoptee.

For those who many not understand why I created this, this project was manifested from the time I was a pre-adolescent. During that time, fellow classmates would find out that my parents happen to be white Caucasian, while I am a Filipino. So I told them how I was adopted and so time and time again, questions would arise from classmates asking if I ever knew my ~~real~~ biological parents or family. Other questions for example were: “Do you know how to speak Filipino? Have you been back to the Philippines? Were you born there? Are you full Filipino? Are you sure? Do you know anything about the culture?” And so on.

So because of those constant questions, experiences of outsiderness, and a growing eagerness to find out more about the man in the mirror, it finally had led to eventually opening up my case study papers for the first time. I read those papers and had felt a cycle of anger, forgiveness, and understanding as I learned more about my homeland. After being able to tell my story, others have told me I should document it. So here it is, the preview to my documentary.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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December 18, 2013December 18, 2013

“Araw-Araw” Day by Day Daily Grind

I’ve been on hiatus with keeping up with this blog but life has continued on with compiling the last pieces of footage back here in Michigan to complete my documentary. Life also has kept going on as for work, organizing the Filipino Youth Initiative, and the Basic Filipino Language classes, as well as being the current Youth Chair for Council of Asian Pacific Americans of Michigan.

Even though life continues to move forward, a part of my soul seems suspended within a dimension of time and thought trying to unravel everything. Often I refer to this as a ball of yarn since everything is interconnected one way or another. Also, It is too easy to say that “I am James Beni Wilson”. My identity has a much deeper history than that and encompasses other peoples’ lives who I value now as well. No one is a just a third party. They are very much a part of the large design of life somehow. Everything happens for a reason whether we understand those reasons or not. Every turning point that has opened doors to me in challenging my own identity, I have been given these blessed opportunities to say these prepared me for this journey back to the Philippines to find the truth. Without these opportunities and if I have not been able to come in contact with countless people who I have come across in this journey, I may not have the tools that they gave me to understand everything and to accept what is.

I’ve asked a few people if I have changed since this trip. They’ve said that I seem happier. Knowing details has helped me know where I came from to move forward. Will it be like this for everyone? I cannot answer that for them.

Finding out that she is no longer with us was difficult. The first few nights being back from the Philippines did result in tear drenched pillows. Not only that it’s hard knowing that she passed, but also knowing that I was not abandoned. Finding a way to communicate my/our story without bringing any disrespect won’t be tricky but will be taken in account.

Coming in late January, my journey.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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August 13, 2013September 21, 2013

Pilipinas. The first five days here.

So much has happened within the first five days here. I can’t even fathom my entire existence of being in my home country. With the comforts of having Lorial Crowder, the co-founder of Filipino Adoptee Network (FAN), assisting me in my stay here I’ve experienced minimal culture shock. Also that we have not ventured outside of Manila yet. Places we’ve hit so far are Kalookan, Quiapo, Makati, Binondo, and now Manila. There’s a sort of disconnection yet familiarity of being here. Maybe it’s because I look like everyone? Yet I look ‘kano’ or American at the same time.

About a day or so after my arrival, I was able to buy ‘load’ or text/call points to contact the Inter-Country Adoption Board (ICAB) and also notify my foster mother that I have arrived here. While at the ICAB office we helped them prepare for the Global Consultation on Child Welfare conference.

Upon meeting Bernarda T. Torres aka “Mama Nor”, she was so warm and it’s like we’ve known each other since forever. There was not too much of a language barrier since I was able to speak some Taglish (Filipino and English combined) and bits of Cebuano. She had tears in her eyes just like in the photo when I came to America and like when she first heard of me searching for her and the rest of the foster family. I’m beyond fortunate to be given this opportunity to see her once again. I’ve learned even more stuff about her as a foster home as well. We met in Novaliches Bayan, Kalookan where one of her daughters live. I’ve been in contact with her daughter’s son to be able to make it easier to meet them.

My foster mother, "Mama Nor", Bernarda T. Torres — My foster mother, “Mama Nor”, Bernarda T. Torres

July 31, 2013July 31, 2013

Foiled Plans & Flight Plan

With less than a day to leave on my trip it has not sunk in…

Several times since I was 18 I always wanted to go back to the Philippines and search for both my foster family and my birth family. It would constantly fall through. I’d be invited by people to be accompanied by them when they go on vacation but I don’t blame them that they didn’t tell they were going. It’s their vacation. My trip is more personal. I’m beyond fortunate to be given this opportunity to not only reconnect with my foster family but also do this biological family search. Thankfully, I’ll be able to document this experience as well.

It is the most difficult time right now for me to fathom that I’ll be going back. It has not totally sunk and set in that I’ll be seeing my ‘birth place’. It hasn’t really hit me that I’ll be seeing these foster family relatives and experiencing the Philippines. Lastly, it has not ht me that I’ll be making this search for self real.

I feel as if that all of this has been postponed for a reason. Things had to happen within a series of events first before I could make this happen. This would not have happened without your understanding and support.

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I invite you to join me on the rest of this journey to reach back as I move forward.

–> Visit my Kickstarter campaign at http://kck.st/filipinoadoptee

–> Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/binitaydocumentary

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